Breaking the Cycle 1

As a parent, there’s always something we hope not to pass on to our children.

This isn’t the same as hoping they won’t inherit certain traits

—those are often out of our control, like allergies or a predisposition to asthma.

What I’m talking about is the inheritance of behaviors, patterns, or emotional climates

that shaped us but can be changed with conscious effort.

These are the things we can choose not to pass down, the burdens we can try to break for the next generation.

Inherited Emotions

Growing up, my parents fought often.

Their arguments were primarily about money

—my mom’s frustration with my dad’s lack of financial contribution or initiative.

As the eldest, I felt the weight of their conflicts more than my siblings.

My role was to comfort my mom after fights, gauge her mood, and reassure my younger siblings.

I learned early on that academic success was the only thing that could bring them both joy,

so I would hide in my room, quietly studying, even as they argued in the living room.

My mom leaned on me a lot.

She was strong, resourceful, and financially independent—qualities I admired deeply.

She ensured we lived in one of the best neighborhoods in Daegu, provided top-tier education

, and never let us feel deprived. We had branded clothes, generous allowances

, and access to every extracurricular activity we could want.

But her frustrations weren’t about a lack of money. They stemmed from deeper, more complicated emotions:

The resentment of being the primary breadwinner in a society that didn’t celebrate women’s financial success.
The isolation of having a spouse who couldn’t share her burdens or recognize her efforts.
The fear of raising three children with little support from her partner.

The Lingering Impact

Even as I became an adult and started my own family, my mom’s dissatisfaction with my dad persisted. Her criticisms of him were constant, even decades later.

I understood her pain—her overwhelming responsibilities and the lack of emotional connection with her partner. But hearing these complaints year after year left me conflicted.

As a daughter, I sympathized with her struggles. As a wife, I began to realize how toxic those unresolved grievances could become.

Hope to Break

I don’t want my children to grow up in an environment,

where unresolved frustrations dominate the emotional landscape.

I don’t want them to feel the weight of my struggles or to play the role of peacekeeper in our family.

Breaking this cycle means:

Recognizing and addressing my emotions before they spiral into resentment.
Ensuring my children feel supported and protected, rather than burdened by adult conflicts.
Creating a home where love and understanding outweigh frustration and blame.

These are choices I can make—conscious efforts to create a different atmosphere for my family.

It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

(Stay tuned for part two)